CSA examination to be replaced by DSA
CSA exam to be replaced by DSA
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction and entertainment, containing no factual content. Any simiarities to any individual or organisation past, present or future are entirely coincidental.
Following the recent legal ruling that the “CSA” amateur dramatics examination (which GP trainees were required to both fund and endure) was intrinsically unfair, it has now been withdrawn. The GP college has therefore been forced to find a further cost neutral examination to fill this vacuum and allow doctors specialising in General Practice to prove their competence and fitness to work.
This exam will be titled the “DSA.” Although the college has been somewhat reluctant to reveal the meaning of this acronym, it is believed that it stands for “Driving Skills Assessment.” The importance of GPs being able to drive is of recognised importance as an essential skill for home visits and reaching professional courses. The college therefore feels that it is appropriate that competence in this area should be proven.
Rather than plagiarising the approach to driving assessment used by the DVLA, it has been decided that this examination will be performed using “Go-Karts.” This will allow for a greater degree of quality control. Applicants will be expected to race round a circuit, with only the fastest eighty percent of applicants being awarded a pass mark. Time marks will be awarded or subtracted on a discretionary basis by examiners based on gender, race and attractiveness.
Examiners will be local GPs. Their medical surgeries will be covered for the course of the exam season by trained driving instructors. Examiners will not be permitted any timing or recording equipment and will keep time by counting in their heads. Recording equipment will be prohibited as this would have the potential to undermine the examiners, specifically with regard to their timekeeping.
It is believed that a fair appeals process will not be needed. Appeals will therefore attract a fee of £860. All appeals will be immediately rejected on receipt of this fee.
In order to remain cost neutral while keeping fees needlessly high, the exam circuit will be located in a rented wing of Buckingham Palace in London. To address issues of travel inequality, London candidates will be expected to sit their exam in Balmoral Castle in Aberdeenshire. The castle will be surrounded by landmines to compensate for its relatively better accessibility by road.
As ever, there are trouble makers who have attempted to discredit the exam. Their concerns have been irrefutably addressed by the college with the following statement: “We believe that this is a fair and robust examination. Both the examiners and the track are carefully prepared before the exam begins.” When questioned about whether a Go-Karting exam is an appropriate way to test a GP’s clinical skills, the college has declined to listen or respond.
Great news all round then. The public can breathe a sigh of relief in the secure knowledge that their safety is being taken seriously through careful quality control of GP training by insightful college leaders. Doctors can be reassured that trainees will be assessed holistically without too much emphasis on clinical capability or care of real patients. The college can be reassured that their monopoly remains intact, absolute and beyond competitive accountability.
